"How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"I'm great too!"
Do these above questions seem a bit familiar. Yes, of course. It's because this is the first conversation you have with everyone you meet for the first time. The answer for the first question is never going to be "I'm not good". It will not be the answer even if our closest of friends ask it. The words 'good' and 'great' are relative to the time the question is being asked and by whom it is being asked. It's very rare that anyone whom I have asked the same question has responded saying "I'm not doing that great". When I heard this answer for the first time, I was shocked myself and didn't know how to respond. Should I ask them what's wrong or should I just say "Here, here" and divert the conversation to some other topic. After this first experience of mine, I started observing the start of every conversation I had with people around me. Not surprisingly, the first three lines were how they started. This got me thinking, does the other person really care when they ask you how you are doing. Well, I don't think so. Nobody wants to hear you whining about what problems you're facing for the next hour. They would like to say their piece and just move on.
This brings me to my next question. Have you ever rephrased that "How are you?" to "Are you happy?" and notice how they answered that? I did. The response I got every time was silence for about first 10 to 15 seconds and say "Yes. I am." And they steer the conversation to a different topic. I feel that if you really care about the answer for a question of you asking how they are doing, asking "Are you happy?" makes more sense than "How are you?". Also, I noticed, if you're genuinely happy, you wouldn't stop and think to say "Yes", you would just say it right away.
P.S. I don't ask anyone I talk with "How are you?" first. I only respond with "I'm good. How are you?" when the other person asks me. I'm not not asking out of pride, I can't ask a question when I know I wouldn't get an honest answer.
Bon Nuit!
S.
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